Cause my paralyzes and pains got too threatening and to avoid a paraplegia, I had to undergo an upper spine-surgery on Monday 8th of June. I thought I was on track again ...
But on Friday I took an ordinary walk and my right leg slipped due to dusty dry earth and my legs and the rest of me slipped downhill, several meters. I know from Ninjutsu how to fall, and I don't have any outer injuries inspite of rolling over several times ... However some hours later I realized, paralyzes started to return and incredible pain in legs, arms/hands and ... in the upper spine.
Had a horrifying dream (at least I thought it was "just" a typical drama-queen-dream) of how one of the implanted cages was breaking into my vertebral body and dangling on the other side. Well, it wasn't just a dream but a vision as has shown in hospital.
So I will need another spine-surgery on Friday 3rd of July and a long recovery time with my new "stiff-neck-friend". Seems, that, after all, I had a lot of "luck" ... I was told today, this fall could have easily been my last or have led straight into tetra-/paraplegia.
Anyhow ... wishing I had not chosen to take a walk last Friday.
This is the power of fate and now I know what the "Blasted Oak" in my Greenwood-reading was trying to tell me ... a (too) late insight however ... ;).
In terms of blogging and composing ... please bear with me, light a candle here and there for my smooth recovery, if you feel inclined to do so ... hoping to survive and recover soon, YES!
Also, I do not know how to pay my upcoming bills, as due to Corona and now due to my spine-problems I was/am not able to perform live-music, -poetry and -rituals nor give readings ... but I do have a lot of additional medical bills to deal with. I'd be grateful if you could support my survival with a donation! After my recovery I will be more than ready and happy to continue working for you ... that is providing readings/counselling/lectures and of course blog-entries. This however will require some time and homepage-updating, which won't be possible for me at the moment.
Please send your donation via Paypal.me or via the button below:
Photos © Ann-Uta Beißwenger 2020: 1. Taken from Greenwood-Tarot by Mark Ryan and Chesca Potter 1996. 2. AnU with stiff-neck-friend 2nd of July 2020
Introducing "Roaming Ginnunga" ...
I am really happy and pretty excited to see my album has "gone live" now. It's a huge step for me after all those years of trying and experimenting with my "good ole" audio-blog format.
All the instruments and lyrics/vocals you hear on this album have been composed, either played or sung, recorded and mixed/mastered/produced by myself. Except for the drums - I arranged them via Synthesizer.
Introducing the songs:
From Black to Grey
This one is livicated to all those tricky and most of all painful situations in life, when we tend to forget, that any pain and strain shrinks close to nothing, if thrust into the flames of eternity. They will burn and turn anything from black to grey and pass it on to the winds of change … Yes, some portion of escapism in here :) ....
The song is vocal-focussed and accompanied by a mellotron-synth- and real flute-arrangement.
Sometimes we cannot deny, we do hear an inner or outer voice, something calling us from above, beyond … But the fear to answer these calls might be greater than the readiness to step into the unknown territories of a non-linear and non-rational whatsoever sphere and new reality with all it's specific optionalities and responsibilities …
The arrangement leaves a lot of space to the instrumental composition ... I do love the blurring borders of synthesizer-based instruments ("harp-to-flute-sounds") and real flutes. The thriving rhythm I have produced in Ultrabeat.
November in Spring
Eversince I can remember I do have my issues concerning spring … it's not so much about the season itself, but what is made out of it, peoplewise, illusionwise, lovethingbusinesswise. It just turns me off and makes me want to fling myself into the arms of autumn leaves … Therefore a pretty (? *harhar) personal song.
This is one of my most complex compositions ... it had been far too long, about 15 minutes ... ahem ... and so I had to rearrange a lot for the sake of dramaturgy, e.f. by introducing spoken vocal parts.
Lots of real flutes, and once again one of my favorite instruments: mellotron. And jau, lots of various drums.
The Sleeping Beauty
In some „spiritual“ places it is said, the greatest deeds are accomplished „unseen“, invisible ... meaning, without showing off and exposing one's ego to the rest of the world(s).
Anyhow … accomplishing things unseen can also be a means to protect oneself from opposition, from criticism and a means of hiding from possible praise and success.
The Sleeping Beauty in my song however walks her path beyond human considerations. She simply does what has to be done to keep wheels turning, winds whirling and fires blazing ...
The lyre-soli are played with a "real" lyre. I also created some weird sounding synth-pads out of my real-lyre-recordings. The solo flute is Diva, my modern concert flute :).
The Wicked Tree (The Man and the Tree)
This dark flavored romantic story came to me in a dream. It reminds me of some old celtic folk stories. I used to accompany it with my lyre, but then my Hagstroem was calling out to me and I thought, why not trying a kind of „modern bard version“ with e-guitar instead …
Ode to Ginnunga
The core, the anchor, the heartpiece of my album. This composition came to me from above, beyond and deep within, straight from the timeless realm. As a slightly „synaesthetic weirdo“ sounds evoke perception of colors, odors and visions of places and spaces in me. While playing the synthesizer/mellotron with all these layered sounds, I was envisioning Ginnungagap, the primordial space in germanic mythology filled with magical powers and endless possibilities. I felt drawn into it and the composition went ways which I could not control, also in terms of language(s) of the sung lyrics. Just enjoy ... FEEL ... the trip … don't try to understand/overanalyze, if you dare to ;).
After Ginnunga, the runes … So here, for those of you who enjoy throat sung Galdr a truly runic frenzy with some tribal vocals, soft synthesizer and deliberately slightly dissonant (real) flutes accompanying the Galdr.
An invitation to get in touch with the ancient trails of the North.
AnU, 2nd of February 2020
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